tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post1110766064302695672..comments2023-07-01T07:31:28.450-06:00Comments on LDS Publisher: 24: Unexpected WarriorsLDS_Publisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15053645600240124892noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-48774347561606840342010-02-27T23:06:06.952-07:002010-02-27T23:06:06.952-07:00I really loved this perspective on the army of Hel...I really loved this perspective on the army of Helaman, especially Liamn's character and voice, which I thought were particularly strong. <br /><br />I felt like the opening sequence, while it contributed to establishing character and voice, didn't really figure into the overall story. I also spent the first half of the story wondering what Liam's main conflict or desire was. Was he struggling with his father? Was that the main thing? Or his own feelings of inadequacy about not herding the sheep well? Or maybe laziness/being a teenager? I wasn't sure. Then there was the meeting, and it turned out that his main deciding issue was whether or not he should join Helaman's army. <br /><br />So I wonder if you could make one of those other conflicts more clear, and then resolve it. It's a great story of one of Helaman's army as it stands, but if you gave the character a clear conflict a little earlier and then had that conflict be resolved somehow by the decision to go to war (father son issues could work really well here) I think that added layer could strengthen it a lot. <br /><br />Again, excellent voice and point of view. I really got inside Liam's mind, and I love that.Emily M.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-60437237596006558152010-02-27T13:51:22.571-07:002010-02-27T13:51:22.571-07:00I enjoyed the interaction between the three boys. ...I enjoyed the interaction between the three boys. I had a hard time liking Sheresh, I think because of his disrespect, though being only a generation away from the things the Anti-Nephi-Lehies were put through. But boys will be boys and this was a creative telling of this story.Kristahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-24461432557291962502010-02-27T12:59:57.832-07:002010-02-27T12:59:57.832-07:00Unexpected Warriors is a great example of how to w...Unexpected Warriors is a great example of how to write with action. I enjoyed this story. While we don't know what life was really like in Nephite lands, this story made me feel like I was really there. I wanted to read more. Good Story.Heather Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00740115894967167726noreply@blogger.com