tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post115751411138805873..comments2023-07-01T07:31:28.450-06:00Comments on LDS Publisher: Opening Paragraph #5LDS_Publisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15053645600240124892noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-1158000762534550182006-09-11T12:52:00.000-06:002006-09-11T12:52:00.000-06:00I'm sure more people would find it easier to belie...I'm sure more people would find it easier to believe if they were already married rather than just engaged. :P<BR/><BR/>I, ah, suspect this is one of those cases of two paragraphs stuck together to provide proper length - that would explain the bagels 'thought'. <BR/><BR/>This feels like the beginning of a Law & Order episode. You see events taking place from an external person's point of view. We don't know what Julia's connection to the story is, at this point. A final sentence that made that connection might help entice the reader to continue.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-1157749330805697652006-09-08T15:02:00.000-06:002006-09-08T15:02:00.000-06:00I vote for this one.I vote for this one.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-1157551689416633802006-09-06T08:08:00.000-06:002006-09-06T08:08:00.000-06:00Too much focus on the bagels. I would get to the s...Too much focus on the bagels. I would get to the sensational story earlier in the paragraph. Like right away. <BR/><BR/>‘More details are coming to light about last week’s murder on the University of Utah campus. The body of the Lady Utes’ basketball player, Avery Thomas, was found last Monday afternoon in the women’s locker room. Starting power forward for the Utes, Mick Webber, was arraigned yesterday for the murder. The couple was engaged, the reason many are finding this heinous crime hard to believe.’ The newscaster voice caught Julia's attention and took it away from the newspaper she had been reading. Stunned, she slowly lowered her uneaten bagel to the desk she occupied in the quiet law office.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com