tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post5461113232653523180..comments2023-07-01T07:31:28.450-06:00Comments on LDS Publisher: 21 The Christmas PartyLDS_Publisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15053645600240124892noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-5580998195184037582010-12-23T13:19:06.112-07:002010-12-23T13:19:06.112-07:00I think her telling Mr. Barlow that he was her fri...I think her telling Mr. Barlow that he was her friend was kind of out of the blue. Some slightly more friendly hints earlier would be helpful. But it's a great story.~T~https://www.blogger.com/profile/17969562036638831748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-12857151496311616892010-12-21T21:42:04.820-07:002010-12-21T21:42:04.820-07:00I love it. I vote for this story.I love it. I vote for this story.Kolena locksahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11891808099559867162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-7037706516699407692010-12-21T18:38:54.834-07:002010-12-21T18:38:54.834-07:00I loved it. Altho she changed kind of fast. We all...I loved it. Altho she changed kind of fast. We all have to remember what is important.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-84078308566000231922010-12-21T13:29:58.849-07:002010-12-21T13:29:58.849-07:00i lvoed it just the way it is... not everyone who ...i lvoed it just the way it is... not everyone who reads this is going to be well versed in how perfect sentence structure nor how a story is "supposed" to be written. Most just like a good story. one they can relate to and makes sence. This is that kind of story. its great. i vote for this story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-54024185069432121032010-12-20T22:44:07.509-07:002010-12-20T22:44:07.509-07:00I vote for this story!I vote for this story!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-15673390994983952242010-12-20T13:33:26.545-07:002010-12-20T13:33:26.545-07:00I vote for this story.I vote for this story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-75659020118584654052010-12-17T11:35:08.677-07:002010-12-17T11:35:08.677-07:00I think this is well written and a good story. It&...I think this is well written and a good story. It's not overtly LDS, but that's not a problem.<br /><br />One suggestion I might make is that the final conflict and the opening don't <em>quite</em> match. They're almost there, though.<br /><br />The opening sets us up for a confrontation with her mother—it's all about recreating her mother's perfect Christmas party, being good enough for her mother, satisfying her mother. But then her mother just slinks away at the end. <br /><br />Now, you may want to make a point that the main character decides that her mother's opinion doesn't matter. Then, I'd want to see her having misgivings about that in her thoughts about the party early on—show us a little more that she's second guessing how important this "perfect" Christmas is. It sounds like impressing her mom and doing things perfectly is truly important to her. If she resented her mother for forcing this stuff on her (even unconsciously), and the superficiality of it all (and this could just take two or three little lines), but still wanting to live up to her mom's expectations, I think it'd fit great with her deciding she doesn't need her mom's approval.<br /><br />On the other hand, if you want to make it more overt that her mother was wrong to worry about this superficial perfection, I'd have her mother and the main character have an open conflict.<br /><br />I enjoyed this story. The descriptions and the characters were well-developed, and I could really see the story. It was realistic and touched on great Christmas themes without getting hokey or maudlin. Nicely done.Jordan McCollumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16523599384793856702noreply@blogger.com