tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post5486622258592880062..comments2023-07-01T07:31:28.450-06:00Comments on LDS Publisher: 22: Two Thousand Sons and One DaughterLDS_Publisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15053645600240124892noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-25553263078230528152010-03-01T14:55:30.805-07:002010-03-01T14:55:30.805-07:00Thanks, Theric--I would love whatever feedback you...Thanks, Theric--I would love whatever feedback you can give.Emily M.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-71428283793967448752010-03-01T12:45:45.462-07:002010-03-01T12:45:45.462-07:00.
This was one of my finalists, Emily. And while ....<br /><br />This was one of my finalists, Emily. And while I probably wouldn't do anything line-by-line, I could give you a sense of what sorts of things I didn't like.<br /><br />You can find my email at thmazing.comTh.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16460795570237872290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-64422770525170864042010-03-01T11:16:49.250-07:002010-03-01T11:16:49.250-07:00I confess, this one's mine. The questions I ha...I confess, this one's mine. The questions I have about it are ones I still have. <br /><br />Th., you don't know how much I would love a detailed line edit. I can only get the story so far on my own. I know this blog comment section isn't a great format for that kind of thing, but it would be awesome if you could take the time to help me fix it. I love copyeditors (and all editors!) because they save me from myself. If you are willing, email me at emilymilner at byu dot net and I will send it to you. If you don't want to take the time, though, I totally understand.Emily M.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-51702108417907104582010-02-27T22:47:39.728-07:002010-02-27T22:47:39.728-07:00I do like the voice on this one quite a bit.
Here...I do like the voice on this one quite a bit.<br /><br />Here are some questions I have about it:<br /><br />I wonder if the ending is too tidy, too coincidental. Would her father really follow her for that long without showing up and confronting her? Why didn't he intervene in her earlier fight? And is the prior relationship with the Lamanite also too coincidental, just a little over the top as far as believability goes? Would the story have been more compelling if she had actually made it to Helaman's army instead of gotten turned around on the way? <br /><br />Just some things I think about with this one. Again, I do like the voice, though.Emily M.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-82538430977165417342010-02-27T22:18:45.233-07:002010-02-27T22:18:45.233-07:00.
Considering how sloppy the writing was, I'm....<br /><br />Considering how sloppy the writing was, I'm amazed I made it all the way through, but boy was it worth it. The payoff was huge. Even with its flaws, this is one of my favorites. A solid edit and it could be the best story here.Th.http://thmazing.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-79177257036371711472010-02-27T14:05:10.713-07:002010-02-27T14:05:10.713-07:00I liked that Mariah had to be sufficiently humbled...I liked that Mariah had to be sufficiently humbled before she truly felt what the boys did. That she had to be fighting for the cause of the banner before she could fight with the power of God.Kristahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03734014895825429358noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-78405520491118416542010-02-23T04:42:43.682-07:002010-02-23T04:42:43.682-07:00This is so well written. The characters are famili...This is so well written. The characters are familiar and so real, I was hooked right away.Tamara Hart Heinerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07562765111202443160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-18482986620447450692010-02-21T20:23:26.613-07:002010-02-21T20:23:26.613-07:00Very nice. You have a good voice. We never think...Very nice. You have a good voice. We never think much of those that were converted at the massacre, do we?Cj Lehihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13909008908811360077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-19160153030013914622010-02-21T15:47:19.366-07:002010-02-21T15:47:19.366-07:00Five is the most it will let me do.Five is the most it will let me do.LDS_Publisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15053645600240124892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-44383130423171440352010-02-21T15:21:37.097-07:002010-02-21T15:21:37.097-07:00.
(off topic: would it possible for 'recent c....<br /><br />(off topic: would it possible for 'recent comments' yo be longer than three so we can follow discussions on stories more easily w/o having to subscribe?)Th.http://thmazing.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25573541.post-62239192510117251662010-02-21T09:31:41.174-07:002010-02-21T09:31:41.174-07:00This was great! Really, but I have to point out on...This was great! Really, but I have to point out one thing. The author referred to the main character as a 'her' when Lamanite thought she was a boy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com