Halloween Contest

I'm bored. Time for another contest. This time it's a Halloween short story contest.

Rules:
Write a short short story suitable for Halloween.

Maximum word count: 500

Paste entire story into an e-mail and send to me.

SUBMIT it any time between now and Thursday, October 26th.

I will pre-select the top 10 stories and post those by Saturday, October 28th.

Then you VOTE between October 29th and October 31st.

Winner will be announced after Halloween.

Prize: bragging rights.

Right of First Refusal

Back to contracts and some serious stuff: the right to first refusal.

This keeps coming up, so even though I’ve discussed it here and here, I’m going to talk about it again.

What's fair?

I’m sure that there will be both publishers (who feel they have the right to all of their authors’ future stuff) and authors (who feel they should be able to shop each new piece to the highest bidder) will disagree with me. But in MY opinion, fairness of first refusal falls into three categories: number of future works, category of future works, and length of enforcement.

Number of future works
Fair: a specified number of future works; as in ONE, perhaps two. The exception to this is if you are selling a series. In that case, the number of books in the series—but make sure it spells out that it only applies to the books in that series. Other books are up for grabs.

NOT Fair: More than two; more than one series.

Category of Future Works
Fair: The next novel in the same genre.

NOT Fair: Every genre that you might consider writing in, including non-fiction.

Length of Enforcement
Fair: Two to three years (because sometimes it takes an author that long to write their next novel.)

NOT Fair: More than three years.

All three of these categories need to be addressed and balanced in your contract. If they aren't, ask for clarification.



Now, I know that many authors want to get rid of this clause entirely. I understand—really, I do. But from a publisher’s perspective, let’s say I have two authors and, all other things being equal, one of them is looking at me with “long-term relationship” burning in their eyes, while the other one wants to “keep their options open.”

If it was your $10—$15 grand (or more) going into the project, which one would you ask to the prom?

In the Interest of Poor Taste

WARNING: RATED PG-13 for Violence

I regularly read Kristen Nelson's blog. (She's a national literary agent.) Today she linked to a blog by Jenny Rappaport, also an agent. Jenny then linked to another blogger who didn't like what she had said. You are free to read these blogs at your leisure, but the content is not what I'm posting about.

Scroll down to the cartoon at the bottom of the first comment of this blog.

Well, it is Halloween.

And yes, I am warped.

But I did warn you.

Submission to Shelf

Can you describe the publishing process--from the time the author submits a manuscript until it shows up on the bookstore shelves?

Geez, you want a book! And this is a blog. But okay, I'm game. Here it is in a nutshell. (Some of these items are done concurrently--for example, cover design and promo plans are developed while author is doing rewrites, etc.)

Manuscript arrives on editors desk, where it sits to wait its turn to be read.

Editor reads manuscript and likes it.

Editor sends it to company readers and gets analysis back.

Editor creates a proposal for the book which includes things like a profit and loss estimate, marketing hooks, why the company should publish it, etc., etc.

Editor has meeting with various departments and they yell and scream and throw things at each other until finally, someone gives in and the manuscript is officially accepted. (These steps can take 6 months or longer.)

Contract is sent to author. Author dances around the room in ecstasy. Contract is reviewed by author's attorney and/or other financial/legal advisors. Points are negotiated between author and publisher. Contract is signed and returned to publisher. (This step better take you at least a week or you haven't done enough homework.)

Manuscript is sent back to the author with rewrite suggestions. (Actually, they are rewrite commandments or the contract might be voided.)

"Finished" manuscript is submitted to publisher.

Manuscript is edited.

Manuscript is typeset.

Cover is designed. Manuscript given a new title (probably). Back blurbs written.

Marketing and advertising plans are developed.

Promotionals start. Advance sales are made.

Final pre-press check is done.

Manuscript sent to press.

Finished books arrive at warehouse.

Pre-sells shipped to bookstores and books are placed on shelves.

Total Elapsed Time: 1 to 2 years

Now the work really begins...

Exploring the Edge of the Internet

I am going on a trip. I will be taking my laptop with me, but I'm not sure I'll be able to figure out how to make everything work correctly. So if it seems like I've dropped off the edge of the world for the next week, I have not. I've only dropped off the edge of the Internet--and I will be back.

Promoting Your Own Book

What would you suggest as the top three most effective ways for an author to promote his or her books?

Some authors feel they can't do much to promote their book because they can't afford a big ad or book signing tour, but that's not the case. The three items I've listed below can be done free or for very little expense. They do, however, take a commitment of time, energy and creativity.

1. Establish a quality web presence--this can be a website or blog or both. The best ones are frequently updated and have things that entice a reader to visit--like contests, newsletters, freebies. Absolutely have one that will let visitors sign up to receive messages and announcements from you. This is a good way to get news out about personal appearances and new releases. There are several free web hosting companies, and blogspot (this site) is free.

2. Make personal/virtual appearances--not just book signings. Go talk to church groups, schools, libraries. Even if you only do these within a 30 mile radius of your home, it will still help you to establish a readership. Create a platform or get behind a good cause that you believe in. When you speak in support of your cause, have your book mentioned in your introduction. Join a variety of online forums and participate regularly, using a signature that mentions your book and links to an online store where the reader can purchase it. The more that people see you, hear you, read you, make a personal and positive connection to you, the more likely they are to buy your book.

3. Tell everyone you know about your book. Don't be embarassed--be enthused. Mention it in your Christmas letter. Give your book as birthday and Christmas gifts to your family and close friends. Carry business cards or bookmarks and hand them out whenever you see old friends and acquaintances. Strike up conversations with strangers and when they ask what you do, whip out your BC or bookmark and give it to them.

If you're proud of your book and excited about it, let that bubble over and infect everyone you come in contact with. Your enthusiasm is THE most effective way to promote your book.

Romance Me? Romance Me Not?

I've noticed that the majority of LDS suspense novels have a strong romantic subplot. If there isn't much romance in my book, will this hurt my chances in the LDS market? Do readers demand romance?

Traditionally, the LDS fiction customer is female. LDS women who prefer romance novels have increasingly turned to LDS romance as a replacement for national romance which is becoming more sensual. LDS publishers have tried to satisfy this demand for clean romance.

LDS readers who prefer other genres have not really moved to LDS fiction simply because very little exists in other genres. As LDS publishers move into other genres with quality, well-written stories, they will attract other readers. While romance may be leading the pack right now, I think it's just a matter of time before the demand for other genres, including stories without much romance, catch up.

Submission Counts

On average, how many fiction submissions do LDS publishers get per year?

I have no idea. Right now, I'm averaging about 6-8 per month, but I'm a small house. If anyone knows what the bigger houses are averaging, feel free to chime in.

Launch Parties Outside Utah

I pulled this from the comments trail of the previous post because it applies to a rapidly growing group of authors--those living outside Utah.

What would you suggest for LDS authors who don't live in Utah? I could easily arrange such an event here in my hometown for friends and family, but seeing as how Utah is about 1700 miles away, it would be much more difficult.

It still works. How far away is your nearest LDS bookstore? If there's one within a few hours drive it's still considered local. If there are no LDS bookstores nearby, or if the one nearest you can't or won't do a launch party, have your publisher contact a small local mom & pop bookstore and see if they will host one. (Smaller stores are often more willing to do this than the bigger chains.)

If that doesn't work, consider hosting a launch party at your home. It will be smaller scale, but I know a musician who did a launch party at their home and sold 100 CDs on one night.

Another idea is to do a one-day online launch sale. Using your website, your publisher's website or another online LDS bookstore website who agrees to "host" the launch, schedule a party. Send out postcards with a code that gives customers a percentage off your book or free shipping if they order that day. If you can work it out with the publisher, have them send the books to you to sign before shipping. Then enter all those who place an order for your book using the code on your postcard in a drawing and draw out for a couple of prizes.

It can be done. It just takes creativity and flexibility--and if you're an author, you've got plenty of both.

Party! Party! Party!

I always hear that at book signings an author shouldn't just huddle behind her signing table with her nose in a book, but should get out and interact with the customers. But what if I'm doing a signing on a day when customer traffic is very slow? I'd feel very uncomfortable stalking the one customer in the store. As a customer, I'd be very uncomfortable if an author were pushing his/her book on me, so I don't want to do that to someone else. How can I make book signings a positive and productive experience, even on the slow days?

As a book reader/buyer myself, I don't like being stalked by an author either. Sometimes I don't go over to an author's table to find out about their book because I don't want to be in that awkward position of not wanting to buy it. I mean, what do you say? "Sorry, I forgot my purse," and hope they don't notice you in the checkout line buying the 4 books you came in to get?

One solution to this is the launch party. This is becoming more and more popular. Remember the release of the last Harry Potter book? Several bookstores in my area had huge midnight parties with treats and games and costume contests, etc.

You don't have to be quite that extravagant, but a party atmosphere is fun for everyone and you don't have to sit there feeling like a loser because no one comes over to talk to you. Check Josi Kilpack's blog for details on having a launch party. Then use your imagination to adapt that to your own book.

Even if your book has been out awhile, if you can make it feel more like a party you can avoid those embarassing moments. Play a game that ties into your plot or have something for the customer to do besides just look at your book. Have a free drawing. Serve cookies. Do a signing with several other authors. If all else fails, have your friends and family come in and pretend to be customers. If people are at the table talking to you, other customers are more likely to come over and listen in.

My Favorite Publisher Doesn't Publish Fiction--Am I Out of Luck?

I met the owner of a small LDS publishing house and was very impressed with them. I've written an LDS novel that I'd like to submit to them, but when I checked their website, there aren't any novels listed. They don't really mention what they're looking for in their submission guidelines. Does that mean my chances of working with them are zero, or is there a possibility they'd consider me? How do I find out?

Since I don't know which publishing house you're talking about, I can't really answer your question. Some small houses are looking to expand, just waiting for the right manuscript to launch a new genre or topic area. Others are only interested in publishing in their specialty. If you really think they're the cat's meow, it won't hurt to do some investigation.

Did this owner give you their business card or their e-mail address? If they did, a very SHORT e-mail would be okay. It should go something like this:

Dear Ms. LDSP:
My name is Jane Doe. I met you last week at the XYZ Writers Conference. I was very impressed with your comments. [a little schmoozing is nice, but don't overdo it.] I noticed on your website that you haven't published any fiction. [this shows you did your homework] Is this an area you are looking to expand into? If so, may I send my LDS romantic suspense directly to you, or should I send it to someone else within your company?
Sincerely, Jane Doe

Notice how short that is?

If they didn't give you a card or e-mail, call the receptionist and ask if the company would consider fiction manuscrips and to whom you should address your submission.

When Creds Count

How important are previous publishing credits when submitting a manuscript? And does it matter where you are published?

The most important thing is good writing. Every author has to be published first somewhere. If you've never published before, but your novel rocks, I want it.

Publishing credits help with marketing, but only if the current product is good and solid. Past sales only go so far.

As to where your publishing credits are from, as long as it's a legitimate, professional publication with a critical and discriminating selection process (as in, they don't publish everything that is submitted), it counts. Self-publishing only counts if you've sold a significant number of copies (say 4,000+ in a year).

Critique-O-Meter #1

Dear LDSP,

Fifteen year old Jeremy James Johansen lived a rather boring life until the past year. Now, his father has disappeared, he’s been suspended from school for fighting, and he’s wandered through a portal to another world and become an old man. He can’t help but question his sanity when he spots his father just before being plucked from the ground by a dragon and taken to a man in black. The man’s teeth are chiseled sharp, like a cat’s, and he insists on calling Jeremy “Father,” [,] despite the boy’s objections. In trying to escape the scary man, Jeremy trips over his beard and plummets from the cliff to his death.

After waking from what he thought was a bad dream, strange things begin to happen. [to him--delete this.] [His] Jeremy’s hair turns white over night, he sees the face of an old man overlapping his own in the mirror, and strangest of all, his mouth talks without him at the most awkward of times. It seems that the dream was no dream at all, and somehow the spirit of the old man has been forced to share his body with him. In time, Jeremy discovers that the portal holds the answers not only to his rebellious body, but most importantly points him down the path to find his father — and help save a world.

The young adult fantasy, [Title] is complete at 72,000 words and is the first in a series.

I am a staff writer and regular participant in the [an online writers blog], as well as an administrator for the online writing workshop The XYZ Writing Workshop, and have been published in [recognizable title] magazine.

I would love to send a copy of my manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and attention. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.


Sincerely,
Hopeful Author

Uhmmm. Other than the three red spots, I can't find anything wrong with it. I read a lot of YA fantasy and this is unique enough to get my attention. I'd ask for the manuscript.

Please Move Your Foot Before Pulling the Trigger

I’m probably going to get some blasting for this, but I have to say something—and sorry for being so blunt, but I have to say it forcefully.

I have made no secret about the fact that I lurk in a lot of online forums and read a lot of author blogs and websites. I’m not the only one. A lot of my colleagues do it too. Some of us lurk fairly openly and people who are not comatose know who we are. Others of us use a secret online identity so people don’t know who we really are. Some of us lurk out of personal interest or just for fun. Others of us lurk specifically to find out what YOU are saying about US. And even if we don’t lurk in a particular forum or chat room, we have friends and cohorts and connections who read stuff and forward it to us—all the time. Subject line: Did you see what they are saying about you over on…

So a word to the wise, think twice before complaining about your publisher in a public forum, such as a blog, website or online chat. If you complain about me, I’m going to hear about it and it’s not going to make me feel all warm and fuzzy about you. And if you’re complaining about one of my colleagues (as is the case I’m ranting about now), and your complaint clearly indicates a lack of understanding about how the business side of publishing works, how receptive do you think I’m going to be when your next manuscript shows up on my desk?

Some authors are mistreated by their publishers and their complaints are legitimate. If this is the case, take your complaints to someone who can help you do something about it—an attorney, an agent, another publisher. If you feel you must blow off some steam, then rant to your spouse, your family, your close friends, your writers group—face to face. But do not do it online where it can come back to bite you. And it will. Trust me.


There are times when a publisher or a bookstore will go through their inventory and make wholesale book dumps—this most often happens when there is a change of command or a restructuring of focus. You know that this is the case because it will be an entire genre or multiple authors or all books that use the phrase “aw shucks.” When this happens, don’t take it personally. But when it’s just you that's getting dumped, you need to keep in mind a few facts.

Fact: A bookstore does not dump a book because of one complaint, unless that complaint is made by the owner’s mother or spouse or lien holder. As long as the number of books being sold outweigh the number of complaints coming in, they will continue to stock the shelves and carry the book. A bookstore dumps a book for one reason only: it isn’t selling.

Fact: A publisher does not dump a book because one store receives one complaint. They dump a book for one reason only: it isn’t selling.

Fact: A publisher may discontinue a class of books (ie: fiction), a genre (ie: western), or a title (ie: your book). They do this for one reason only: it isn’t selling.

Fact: No matter what other reason a publisher, bookstore, or author gives for a book being dumped, the only true reason is IT ISN'T SELLING.

Are we getting the message?

Critique-O-Meter*

Just a reminder that I am still willing to review and comment on query letters and opening paragraphs. Send them in the body of an e-mail. I will post, critique and comment on them.

*Yes, this is a rip-off of Miss Snark's idea, but I just can't bring myself to use her word for it. It is so indelicate.

Also, unlike Miss Snark, my Critique-O-Meter is always open.

Simultaneous Submissions

Clarifications have been made to this post. Please re-read.

Can you submit the same manuscript to multiple publishers at the same time?

This is called simultaneous submissions. Some publishers accept them, others do not. Check your publisher's submission guidelines. If the publisher you want to submit to accepts simultaneous submissions, then yes, you can send your manuscript to them, and to other publishers, who also accept simultaneous submissions, at the same time. If the publisher you want to submit to does not accept simultaneous submissions, then you must submit to them, wait for them to reject it, and then submit to the next publisher on your list.

The reason some publishers choose not to accept simultaneous submissions is because then they can read at their leisure without worry that someone is going to beat their time. This is unfair to the author, as single submissions can kill you. For example, let's say you have 10 publishers on your A list and you have to query and submit to them sequentially. And let's say they each take about 6 months to go through the review process. It could take you 5 years to get through them. Who has time for that?

Personally, I think there should be a law that forces all publishers to accept simultaneous submissions. But until there is, you have to play by their rules. If they say they want exclusive looks, and you want them to consider you, then you have to send it to them and no one else until they make a decision.

One more word: If you decide to do simultaneous submissions to publishers who accept them, let the publisher know in the query letter that you have submitted to others as well. You don't need to tell him/her who else you've submitted to, but it is polite to let them know that others are looking at it also. And if you get accepted somewhere, write or e-mail all other publishers who are still reviewing your manuscript and let them know it's off the market.

Unfortunately, We Don't Have a Publishing Liahona

I wonder how a publisher can know whether or not a book will sell and how well it will sell. I know that books can badly under sell or wildly exceed expectations. How can anyone know one way or the other? Is it just based on experience with similar novels? How do you predict what the market will do?

I pulled this from the comments trail because it's a really good question.

The short answer is, we don't know. We don't have a publishing Liahona which tells us which manuscripts will sell. It's all a big guess.

The longer answer is, it's a guess based upon experience and gut feeling.

If we've published this genre or author in the past, that gives us some information. How well did the last one sell? Did we sell out? Did we reprint? How many do we have left in the warehouse?

What is the market doing? What are our collegues grumbling about? Did the publisher two booths down at the convention last month offer an 80% discount on books in this genre? That's a sign they're not selling well. But then you have to ask, is the genre slowing down--or are their books junk?

There are so many variables, it's impossible to control for all of them and accurately predict what will and what won't sell. So we have to go by how well we--our staff and our "paid" readers--like the book and how much money is in the bank account and how lucky we feel that day.

I know this sounds glib, but that's the nature of the business. As publisher, you believe you have the ability to determine with a reasonable degree of accuracy what your readers will like. You make your best guess. If you're good at guessing, and you're right more than you're wrong, you stay in business. If you're not good at guessing, you go out of business and find employment elsewhere.

If a company has been publishing for several years, it means they guess right more often than they guess wrong. It means they've found something, be it a gut feeling or a Magic 8 Ball, that works for them and they're not likely to adjust that decision making process until the market forces them to do so.

P&L Rejections

Today I was working on a P&L for a new book, to determine whether to accept it or not. Did you know that we have to do that for every book that makes it through the first read? If the P&L doesn't come out right, I can't accept a title even if I LOVE it.

Here's a brief description of how the P&L works:

First I have to estimate production costs, which include editing, typesetting, design, custom artwork, printing, galleys, marketing covers, promos (business cards, bookmarks, postcards, posters, etc.), advertising and a launch party or book signing tour.

Then I guess how many books I can sell and how fast I can sell them. I come up with an initial print run amount minus comp copies used for marketing. I take that number and times it by the wholesale price of the book. From that amount, I subtract the author's royalty and/or advance and the production costs to get my profit.

I figure profit based on selling all the books, 80% of the books and 60% of the books. Then I look at the 60% number and determine if I can survive if that's all I sell.

Theoretically, if I publish a book a month, and I can sell 60% of the print run in a year, and that number will cover one month of my company's overhead, plus a little, then I can take the risk and publish the book.

Larger companies that are publishing 10+ books a month can handle a little more risk; their faster sellers will offset the slower sellers. Smaller companies that publish less than a book a month cannot afford as much risk. They have to be fairly certain that every book they publish is going to sell, and sell enough to cover several months of overhead--unless they're independently wealthy and publishing is a hobby and not their personal bread and butter.

So if you get a rejection that says something along the lines of "We LOVED your book, but...," chances are it didn't make it past the P&L analysis.

Final Words on Rights

A few more words on contract rights. This may or may not be spelled out in your contract, but the publisher has ALL editing and design rights.

Editing Rights--Your publisher can and will edit your text. Most of the time, these edits won't be huge. They don't have time to do that. If they want big edits, they'll tell you to do it. However, they will shorten sentences, cut paragraphs, and swap out words if they feel they need to do so. You may ask to have final approval on these edits. You may or may not get it.

Design Rights--This refers to cover design and page layout. You have no say in that. They choose the font, the layout, the margin widths, etc. They will hire their own artists to create the cover. You have no say in that either.

Most of the time, what the publisher does is going to increase the marketability of your book. Unless you are a professional graphic artist, they are going to have more experience in creating things that will attract the buyer. Trust them.

If they make a huge mistake and you can point out a legitimate marketing reason for changing the cover (for example, your main character is 45, but is portrayed as a 20 year old on the cover), they might listen to you and make changes. Or they might not. There's not a lot you can do about it.

If you have really strong opinions on editing and design, and this is a deal breaker for you, you may be able to have final approval to both added to your contract. Just know, that this may also be a deal breaker for the publisher too.

Follow the Guidelines for Follow-Ups

Hi LDSPublisher,

After a publisher has had a manuscript for a long period of time, what is the best way to check on the status of the manuscript? Is it acceptable to email the publisher if an email address is available? Is it best to send a letter by snail mail? Or, is it best to call and ask about the status?

Thank you.

Do whichever it says in their submission guidelines.


If their submission guidelines do not address when and how to contact them after your manuscript has been submitted, then I would use e-mail if an address is available. That gives them the ability to respond at their convenience.

Second choice is a note, but include your e-mail address so that they may respond to you quickly, easily and at no cost to them.

Last choice is a phone call. I don't like it when someone calls to check up on a manuscript that I've had for a "long period of time" because I'm already feeling guilty that I've made them wait. Most often, the reason I'm late is because I've been unusually busy. Then if they call when I'm already out of my mind with overworkedness, I'm distracted, I get flustered and I can't find their manuscript in my pile of stuff, and ... Avoiding this real-time conversation is the reason e-mail was invented, wasn't it?

Read Any LDS Chick Lit Lately?

In one of your critiques, you mentioned Chick Lit. Can you talk a little more about this? Are there any LDS authors doing this type of fiction? Is it currently selling?

Chick lit refers to books specifically written for women, generally dealing with a twenty- or thirty-something woman who is trying to find her place in the world. Sometimes there's a traumatic event triggering the response that creates the story (as in paragraph 20), but more often they are light-hearted, often first person, with a sort of sassy, humorous or conversational tone (as in paragraph 19). Some definitions consider it to be a romance sub-genre; others broaden it to include books where romance is the secondary plot line.

Kristen Nelson is a national literary agent who represents chick lit. (This links to her chick lit titles.) You can get a good sense of this genre just by reading the titles and looking at the covers of her books.

On the national market, chick lit often includes scenes and themes that might be considered--uhmmm, how do I say this politely--uncomfortably provocative for LDS readers. In many publishing houses, this sensuality is part of the definition of chick lit. Obviously, that wouldn't be the case in the LDS market.

On the national market, this genre is declining somewhat. Publishers aren't accepting as much of it, probably due to a glut on the market. But I would expect it to continue as a recognized genre for quite some time.

As for the LDS market, I think there's a place for women's novels that use a breezy, fun chick lit tone. I don't read a lot in this area, so I can't give a definitive answer as to who might already be writing in that genre. Although I haven't read them yet, just based on their descriptions and what I've heard people say about them, Josie Kilpack's Tempest Tossed and some of Rachel Nunes' novels might fall into this category.

Readers, can you give us some examples of LDS chick lit?

Trivia Provides Marketing Hooks

This is National Be Kind to Editors and Writers Month. I am not kidding. I’m just ticked that I didn’t know about it on day one, because I would have milked this for all it’s worth. Tomorrow morning I’m going to show up at work and if there aren’t flowers and a huge box of chocolates on my desk, someone is going to get an earful!

(Okay, I don’t really expect flowers and chocolates. And I won’t even be working in the office tomorrow. But it would be nice to hear from some of my authors this month, thanking me for the hard work I’ve done/am doing in their behalf. It’s always nice to be appreciated.)

(That was a thinly veiled hint for all you published authors out there to send a card or e-mail to your editor! Doesn’t have to be a big deal. This is one of those things where the sentiment is more important than the delivery.)


But back to my topic. Although in most cases I think these national days, weeks and months are rather silly, they do provide marketing hooks for your books. If you are a published author—or about to be published—or even wanting to be published, check out the various national celebrations. Which ones would provide a marketing hook for your message?

For example, if you have a non-fiction self-improvement book, September is Self-Improvement Month. If you have a parenting book, October is Commune with Your Kid Month.

Does your murder mystery have someone dying from licking poisonous stamps? January is National Stamp Collector’s Month. Is your main character an eccentric little old lady who likes to snoop on her neighbors and wears garishly decorated straw hats? April is Straw Hat Month.

Okay, some of these are lame. But you get the idea.


Assignment for today: Google national celebrations. (I'm not providing links because I want you to hone your research skills.) Find three national celebrations that you could use as an excuse to showcase your book and post them in the comments trail. Then let your publisher know. Or if you’re still submitting and the publisher asks for marketing ideas, well, here you go.

BTW, does anyone know when the National Post Trivia on Your Blog Site Day is?

Contest Critiques Done

All contest paragraphs now have my comments and critiques posted.

Critiques

I'm starting the paragraph critiques. I will not be doing rewrites. The comments I make are what I'd put in the margin notes if I received this as a submission. I will be frank and pull no punches. I will also tell you if I would ask for more, based upon this paragraph submission. My intent is to show you where you need to strengthen your writing so that it's ready for publication. In my opinion.

To get to some of the earlier submissions, click on the September archive link and it will show them all.

Message to Contest Submitters

Something went berserk in my Excel file where I was tracking who was attached to each paragraph. (It happened this morning, long after I posted winners.)

I no longer have a list telling me who wrote which paragraph. So if you want to claim your own, post your name in the comments trail and I will move it up into the body of your paragraph post.

Sorry.

Paragraph Critiques

Dear LDSP,

Are those paragraph rewrites in the comments trail from you? If so, why did you post them anonymously?

No. Those are not me. I've received permission from most of the contest submitters to do a critique of their paragraph and I will be doing that over the next several days. My critiques will be posted within and at the end of the actual paragraphs, not in the comments trail. And they will be in red.

A Teaching Moment

I cut this from the comments trail and posted it here because it's the perfect set-up for a teaching moment. This is a great example of why good writing sometimes gets rejected.

The poetry in this paragraph is excellent, however it lessens the effect the story could have. And keeping the identity of "the man" from the reader until the end of the paragraph has the effect of annoying the reader rather than drawing the reader into intrigue and mystery of the scene. ...

The poetry in this paragraph ...are all very fine descriptive details, but they have the effect of notifying the reader that the author is hard at work selecting poetic verse to add emotion to the scene. However, Eli Slater would never select those words if he were telling this story...we never get to see this scene through Eli's eyes.

...in addition to the poetic verse removing the character from the scene and repalcing him with the author, it also has the effect of weakening the impact of the scene through repeition. A single
metaphor or a poetic word choice discretely placed among the forward thrust of the story may not weaken the lines too much, but more than once and the author becomes the viewpoint character....

...Edit out all of the poetry and replace it with thoughts and descriptions that Eli would see and feel. Then Eli gets to tell us the story from his point of view without so much author instrusion. Something like:

Eli Slater clung to the top of a telegraph pole with one hand and held the pocket key with the other. The icy wind cut through his officer's coach like a dagger between his shoulder blades, but there was no one to stop him from sending the message. None of the other officers dared venture out into cold night. He tapped out LINCOLN IN ROUTE and it was done. The eight assassins were on their way and there was no one to warn the president. He reached for the wire cutters in his pocket. At least no one from this part of the growing confederacy. Eli cut the wire.

Here we have two different treatments (blue above and original) of the same story. Neither is "wrong." Which has a better chance of being accepted for publication? It depends on which editor/publisher is reading it.

Personally, I like the original better. It has a depth and richness that I love to read. I wasn't distracted by the language, or by not knowin the characters identity. For me, it added suspense and an intense desire to read more. When I get a submission with writing like this, it gets read all the way through--regardless of whether I'm looking for that genre or not.

If I got the blue paragraph, I would read until I determined if it was something that would fit with my product line. I might read it all the way through, or I might not, depending on the rest of the story.

But here's the teaching moment: My colleague over at XYZ Publishing hates flowery exposition. They want fast and to the point. At their house, the blue paragraph would have the advantage.

The trick is matching your writing style with a publishing house that will appreciate it.

How do you know what style an editor/publisher prefers? Look at what they've published in the past. Read the acknowledgments in a book that is similar in writing style to yours. If they list an editor by name, that's who you want to address your manuscript to.

Winners: Publisher's Choice

I was so pleased with the number of entries in this contest and with the interest level that they all piqued, both in myself and in the voters. There were quite a few paragraphs that I’d be interested in reading more of. My thanks to everyone who was brave enough to enter this contest. Bravo!

After days of conflicting thoughts and feelings, I settled on the three for which I would definitely request to see a full manuscript. But then it got really hard. First place and the two runners-up were so close that I went round and round with all three of them, trying to decide which one should be in which place. However, I finally settled on the which and why.

Therefore (drum roll please)



First Place: T. Lynn with Paragraph #13

This paragraph has such a strong sense of place. I don’t think anyone has done a better job of putting me into a scene so quickly. I am right there up on that pole with Slater. I know exactly where I am in history. The foreshadowing of the fury and the cold and the evil of the war is clear in the choice of descriptors. The only thing I can find to critique is this sentence: If Abraham Lincoln lived or died tonight, he wouldn’t hear about it over these lines. It’s a little awkward, but not so much that it popped me out of the scene. If T. Lynn can do dialogue and plot as well as she does the imagery in this paragraph, then this is a book I want to read. If I received this as part of a query, would I ask for a partial? No. I’d ask for the whole thing! Now, please.



First Runner-Up: Jeff Savage with Paragraph #22

Another really great sense of place, where I was right there with Kinion—holding my breath the whole time. I liked the counting down of the minutes. It added to the tension. So why did this get first runner up? Because I’m not certain what genre it is. I’m thinking it’s not a straightforward historical fiction. So either great latitude is being taken with history; or it’s an entirely different story with an entirely different set of gold plates and our LDS antennae are being toyed with; or we’re going to see a parallel history, similar to what Orson Scott Card did in the Alvin Maker series. Whichever, I’d like to read the rest.


Second Runner Up: W.L. Elliott with Paragraph #14
I loved this! We are right there with those flying ponies. That’s a cute idea. The dragon as guard dog has been done before, but this one has a unique humor to it. This paragraph was neck and neck for first runner-up. It barely missed because it really should be three paragraphs—but I’m glad she sacrificed her shot at first place and gave us the extra info. This is another one where I’d ask to see the whole manuscript based on just this much.

Winners: Readers Choice

First Place:
Suzanne Reese
with Paragraph #20 (8 votes)

Runners-Up: (5 votes each)
Melanie Goldmund
with Paragraph #3

and

Anonymous
with Paragraph #12

Reading for Fun--But Not Much Profit

I've heard that some publishing companies hire people (paying them in books) to read manuscripts and give their opinions of the books. Is this true? If so, how do I get hired doing this?

Yes, many publishing companies do this. I'm not sure how you go about getting hired to do this. You can always call them up and ask, but I'm not sure if that will help much. This is probably one of those things where you have to know someone--or rather, they have to know you. In my company, these positions are offered by me, after I've known someone for awhile and we've discussed various books a lot, and I know that I can trust their assessment of a book.

If you really want to do this, but you don't have the personal connections, you might offer to read a few on spec, so they can see if you're a good match for their company.


Habits and/or Skills that would impress me:
Read a lot of books--I'm talking 80 to 100 per year, year after year; you need to be able to recognize current trends and when something has been done to death

Read in a lot of genres--know the various conventions used, needed, expected in each genre; be able to talk/write about them intelligently

Basic grammar/editing skills--you need to recognize when something is written properly and when it is not; whether it needs only light editing or heavy editing

Basic writing skills--you need to be able to recognize certain writing styles, techniques, and discuss them using correct terminology (ex: POV, etc.); you also need to be able to clearly express what worked in a book, and what didn't, and why

Picky, picky, picky--If you read a lot of books, and you like most of them, you're probably not discriminating enough. On the other hand, if you hate everything you read, that's probably not going to work either.