7/1/06
Pitch #4
At 21, Jennifer Smart’s heart is broken by a Dear Jane from high school sweetheart, Travis Kellerman. Leaving heartache behind, she transfers to BYU and meets dashing Donovan Montgomery. The day after Donovan proposes, Travis shows up wanting her back and pulling her heart apart. (45 words)
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3 comments:
This seems to have enough potential to get my vote. As long as Jennifer isn’t kidnapped by gypsies, Donovan doesn’t have an illegitimate son, and Travis isn’t too whiny I’d like to see a well done, basic, love triangle.
The 45 words kills you here. I did offer to let you resubmit and you probably should have because it's hard to show enough uniqueness in just a few words. Sorry if my original challenge sunk you here.
There's nothing really wrong with this pitch, it's just there's nothing that captures my imagination and makes me think it would be anything more than a "write by numbers" romance.
Again, sorry if that's my fault and you didn't get the message that you could resubmit. Expand and resubmit the next time I run this contest.
That's okay. I also wrote Pitch #3, so I'm cool.
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