FanFic Contest #1: A Portrait of the Jedi as a Reckless Young Teenager

Disclaimer: The characters of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn, the concept of the Force, and the entire Star Wars universe belongs to George Lucas. I am borrowing them for purposes of entertainment with no intent to profit. The droejan is my own creation.

Reckless! Pressed up against the putrid-smelling belly of the droejan, Obi-Wan Kenobi wondered how he could have been so stupid. He should have listened to the warnings about the droejans luring people into their lairs with mirages – but he hadn't reckoned on seeing a mirage of young Bail Organa. The boy had disappeared, and as the Jedi were negotiating the succession to the Viceroy's throne anyway, they had been asked to investigate. The Force had led them into the mountainous terrain, and when Obi-Wan had seen the boy in the mouth of a cave, he'd simply run ahead, eager to rescue.

The droejan had caught him almost immediately, sweeping him up to its underside with long, strong limbs. Now inside, it laid Obi-Wan on the floor and stroked his face with something thin and bristly. The limb rasped against the skin of his neck, then retreated. Something else plunged directly into his jugular vein, and Obi-Wan screamed as his blood was sucked out of his body.

Abruptly, the droejan stopped and, despite the pain, Obi-Wan felt delighted surprise ripple through his consciousness. Drooling with desire, he determined to take only small, regular sips of this special blood. He could drain the other human, but he'd keep this one as long as he could. Realizing he was sharing the droejan's consciousness, Obi-Wan swallowed in disgust.

Hot acid shot into Obi-Wan’s bloodstream, then the droejan removed its fang. The torment faded to a comforting numbness and he no longer felt the droejan's desire to feed. Its back legs rustled, and then one of its arms lifted his head quickly while the other one slipped something silky over his head and around his neck.

It jumped away, and Obi-Wan sat up and examined his neck. Something foreign covered the wound and when he touched it with his fingertips, the feeling drained out of them. When he tugged on the silky thing, he could feel a thin cord like a leash. Fighting increasing drowsiness, he followed it to a stone column, then recoiled as his foot stepped on something soft and yielding.

Yawning, Obi-Wan knelt down, feeling around. An arm! His hand came in contact with hair, then a face. Just then, the lair was lit by the green glow of Qui-Gon Jinn's lightsaber and Obi-Wan could see who was lying there. He'd found Bail Organa, asleep.

The light went out for a moment, and pain stabbed through Obi-Wan's neck, banishing his sleepiness. It felt as though the droejan had come back, but when he put his hand up, there was nothing there. Below him, Bail whimpered and stirred as well. The agony disappeared abruptly and the drowsiness returned. Trying to stifle another yawn, Obi-Wan watched Qui-Gon remove his lightsaber from the droejan's head.

Kneeling down at Bail's side to check the boy's pulse, Qui-Gon glanced over to his apprentice. Obi-Wan braced himself for a lecture on his recklessness, but his master merely said, "Obi-Wan, I hope you get a padawan just like you."


Andi Sherwood said...

Not really my cup of cocoa, but great descriptions. Perhaps too great... I had to skip through some of it because it was a bit too gory for my tastes. It didn't peak my interests to where I would want to read more, but I don't know that the author intended that either. The closing seemed like a closing... no need to go on with the story.

Great creativity and description. :)

Anonymous said...

Maybe the ending would make better sense if you put in a few more hints about Obi-Wan's recklessness and Qui-Gon's reactions it.