What Is Wrong with This Query?

This is a test. Below is a query I actually received (with all the particulars changed). If you've been paying attention, you should be able to tell me what's wrong with it.

Dear Manager,

I am an addictions counselor who leads workshops and group sessions with LDS addicts. I am frequently asked how some of the aspects of addiction and recovery correspond with the teachings of the LDS church. Therefore, I have written several essays addressing these issues.

Please let me know if your company would be interested in in helping me with its publication. I have enclosed a Table of Contents so that you may see the concepts and ideas addressed in my book.

Jane Doe

This is followed by a full sized title page.

Then a Table of Contents listing Part I (with 9 chapters), Part II (with 6 chapters), Part III (with 1 chapter), and Part IV (an Appendix with 7 chapters).

Post your comments, telling me where this woman went wrong. Later on this week, I'll post a follow-up.


Anonymous said...

My guess is that she doesn't give you enough information to make a decision. For example, there is no indication of the length of the book (unless there were page numbers included in the TOC? You didn't mention any, so I'm guessing they were not).

Also, a TOC doesn't really tell you what the book is about, unless the chapter titles were really clever or descriptive.

Am I close?

Anonymous said...

That was my thought as well. There just isn't much information as to what is in the book, how long it is, etc. And an appendix with 9 chapters is striking me as too long. MAybe some of that ought to just be in the book.