2/5/07

Pitch Contest #2

Do police officers really spend their time eating jelly donuts and drinking coffee? Read on and find out for yourself. [Drop this entire first paragraph.]

Patrolling the streets and fighting crime, Officer Russell Beck wrestles with the bad guys—from heart-stopping arrests and fast chases on the Capitol Beltway, to a stand-off with a buffalo herd in Wyoming.

"Thrills, Chills and Spills" is the adrenaline rushing, heart pounding, sometimes hilarious, true-life adventures of a cop.

And yes, it even mentions donuts.


This is too general. I need more specifics. Is this a collection of isolated stories about this cop? Or is there an over-arching theme/event that ties them all together. The second option might sell; the first one won’t.

We need more than just a peek into the life of a policeman. We need to care about this guy’s story. There needs to be some internal drama going on. What issues will he face? Where’s the dramatic tension, the conflict, the social commentary on life experience? So far, there is no compelling reason for me to plunk down my hard-earned money to buy this book, nor to spend my life energy reading it. Punch it up. Give me a reason to care.

I would pass on this one, although I do like that last line. It shows some tongue-in-cheek humor, and I like that.

3 comments:

Josi said...

Just my own opinin, but "bad guys" sounds juvinile and there is no direction of the story, it's going to be full of action and fast paced, but what's the goal of the character?

Also, LDSpublisher, are you supposed to mention the word count on a pitch? I always thought you were, but I'm not very experienced with it.

LDS Publisher said...

Usually pitches are done in person at a writers conference, rather than in writing. So you'd give your pitch to the agent or editor, and then they'd ask you questions--like word count.

Good pitches also show up as part of the query letter. Your word count would be included in a different paragraph.

Josi said...

Ahhh, got it. It was a written pitch I was picturing. Thanks