I am not going to poke fun at this letter because it's clear they are trying their best. It's not full of ego and attitude (my cue to poke as much fun as I want). Even though I'm fairly certain they will never stumble across this blog (they're not LDS), I have changed the details so that even they won't recognize themselves.
123 My Street
My Town, XX
My PO Box
My Town, UT
To Whom It May Concern:
I Am Currently Looking For A Publishing Company, For My Book, "Car Maintenance for Women"
This is my First Book, I will Appreshute Any INFORMATION You Can Give Me, Such as Proof-Reading, Typesetting and Such.
I Am Looking Forward to Hearing From You.
John & Martha
1. It's handwritten. That is not appropriate. If you've written a book, surely you have a computer and could use that to write the letter. If you've handwritten your entire book, you will need to hire someone to type it before you submit. They can type your queries as well.
2. No phone number. No e-mail address. No SASE. You have not made it easy for me to respond to you. It will now cost me approx $1.50-4.00* to reject you (postage, materials, payroll; $1.50 if my assistant does it, $4 if I do it myself). It upsets me when I have to pay to reject a query I should never have gotten in the first place. Sometimes, I don't reply.
3. My name is not "To Whom It May Concern." If you don't know my name and can't figure out how to discover what my name is, "Dear Acquisitions Editor" is a better choice. However, if you're writing non-fiction or historical fiction, I will assume that either you do have research skills but are too lazy to use them, or that you don't have adequate research skills, which calls your manuscript content into question. Not a good place to start.
4. I am an LDS publisher. It states that clearly on our website and all official materials from us. I don't know of any resource list that we are on that doesn't also state that. The title of the book makes clear that it is not an LDS book. Again, if you didn't do enough research to determine if we even publish your type of book, see #3. (Now, Car Maintenance for Mormons...uh, never mind.)
5. If we publish your book, why do you need information on proof reading and typesetting? We take care of that in-house. If you're talking about cleaning up your manuscript before submitting, it would be unethical for us to refer you to someone. Also, you never need to typeset your own book.
6. Spelling and punctuation mistakes in your query are not a good sign. Either you were not careful or you don't know any better. Both options mean that your manuscript will require too much editing for us to consider it. Also, if you had typed your query using any of the standard word processing programs, the spell and grammar checks would have cleaned that up.
7. Who the heck is Martha? Co-author? Include her name at the top and mention that you are co-authors in the letter. Spouse? Leave her off.
There is nothing wrong with being ignorant. If you've never done something before, there's no reason why you would know how to do it correctly. However, there is every reason to do a little research. Go to the library, pick a book--any book--on how to query and/or submit a manuscript to a publisher. One book, one afternoon of research, would mean the difference between being considered and an automatic rejection.
*41¢ postage, 6¢ letter, 1¢ envelope, 1.50 payroll (counting taxes, etc.) or $3.33 (what my company considers my time to be worth, even though they don't pay me that amount)