10/25/07

Scare-Your-Pants-Off #19

Lonnie checked her image in the mirror, noting the dark circles under her eyes that even makeup couldn't hide. She quickly looked away, picked up her tote bag and hurried to the car. She couldn't be late. She was not unprepared for this ordeal, though her dreams had taunted her otherwise in various bone-chilling scenarios all last night, in between restless moments of
sleep.

As she entered the back door of the chilly red brick building, Lonnie was prepared for whatever fate was determined to hand her. Life had been good to her; she had done her best to be a good person. She had few regrets. She made her way down the hallway to the chamber with painted cinder-block walls and sat on the cold metal chair in the back of the room, erect and outwardly composed. As the clock ticked away, Lonnie did not flinch; fear would not rule her last moments on earth. She began to count her breaths: In, out. In, out. In, out. Then, her heart thumping in her throat, her mouth suddenly cotton dry, she rose to her feet, clutching the tote filled with books, pictures and homemade visual aids to her chest, as the dreaded words were pronounced: "Sister Carrigan will now present Sharing Time."

4 comments:

Tristi Pinkston said...

That's good.

Tristi Pinkston said...

Not only is it good, but it gets my vote.

LDS Publisher said...

Great set-up, fun twist at the end. Good imagery, solid writing. But where do you go from here? This is complete.

Anonymous said...

Dear LDS Publisher,

Have you presented sharing time lately? The horror is only beginning :)

Really, the things that can go wrong . . . . just as you've got their interest, a CTR- A gets so involved in the story, he falls off his chair. The entire Primary erupts in laughter. The teacher comforts the sobbing child. A Sunbeam suddenly throws up. Pandemonium ensues. A Nursery leader dashes in, her eyes wild with fear - a child ate peanut butter and is having an allergic reaction! (Mom forgot to mention the allergy!) The pianist turns pale (sudden onset of migraine) and dashes into the restroom, just as you are ready for that song. And then the bishop comes in, wanting to talk to YOU (the Primary President).

As written, this definitely stands alone; your point is well taken. The author could have included some of the disasters that can happen at the end of the 2nd paragraph, to keep the reader wanting more.

Respectfully, Beentheredonethat.