10/30/07

Scare-Your-Pants-Off #22

Marsha sat in John's recliner – head bowed, an empty jar between her dry palms. The darkness acted as a whetstone, honing her senses to a fine edge. She detected the Chanel No. 5 lingering on his sweater; his footsteps in the hall irritated her as much as the grind of a dentist's drill. He'd stopped sneaking in a long time ago – he had that little respect for her. He didn't care if she was in their bed or not. She knew he wouldn't turn on the light to find out.

Marsha set the jar on the side table. John screamed and thrashed. The jar vibrated. Marsha smiled, satisfied that her husband was remembering – and regretting – the last words he'd spoken to her, the question he'd so carelessly asked this morning: "Don't you have anything better to do than collect black widow spiders?"

8 comments:

Wm said...

I'm voting for this one (that's vote #1 for me). And if it were ranked choice, this would be No. 1.

Anonymous said...

Now that is creepy! I'm voting for this one!

Melanie Goldmund

Jeff Savage said...

how can you not like spiders? And irony to boot. My Vote #3

Anonymous said...

This one has my vote.

Gamila said...

I vote for this one...so evil!

Rachelle said...

I vote for this one. Revenge is sweet and scary!

LDS Publisher said...

Ooohh! Creepy! Great images and description. Great tone. I love a little revenge.

My one concern is, if these are the first two paragraphs, where do you go from here? I think they'd be better as the last paragraphs of a short story. Give us more depth on Claudia and John. Show us the scene from that morning.

This is really good.

patricia said...

Thanks for the comments, LDSP and voters!

Sorry to disappoint, but Marsha and John only have a two-paragraph relationship. Their life is so depressing, I don't know if I'd want to read any more about it, anyway. LOL