10/19/07

Scare-Your-Pants-Off #3

Constance sat straight up in bed, eyes wide open. Light from the full moon seeped through the window and cast shadows around her attic bedroom. She gazed about and then stood. Slowly, she walked to the window. It was still latched. Yet, she¢d felt . . . no, it was a dream . . . her imagination, nothing more. Again, an icy gush of air rushed passed her, almost through her. Her heart beat quickened. Her imagination? She caught a glimpse of something in the antique, full-length mirror. She hurried to it, only to see . . . screaming was the last thing she remembered.

1 comment:

LDS Publisher said...

I love the very last line. You also get the creep factor in "an icy gush of air rushed [past] her, almost through her."

Lots (too many) scary stories begin with someone waking up. I'd like to see something different.

Watch your use of ellipses. Those should be used very sparingly (as in, never). Watch your spelling.

"Again, the icy gush..." When was the first time?

If someone glimpses something in a mirror, they don't usually rush to the mirror for a better look. They turn first to look where the mirror is reflecting. Then if there's nothing there, they look back in the mirror.

But again, I really like your last line. That creeped me out.