10/22/07

Scare-Your-Pants-Off #5

I hate mirrors at night. If I have to go by one in the dark I avoid looking at them. I’m always worried I’ll see some dark form standing near me, or that my face will change like in “Poltergeist”. Telling me the fear is all imagined doesn’t work either, especially since I know Nostradamus used to sit in a cloaked and darkened room staring at a ‘black mirror’ to receive his hideous visions and scrying through mirrors isn’t just something Christopher Paolini made up in Eragon. Apparently there is some power between mirrors and other world reflections. It’s not all imagination. So when I saw the dark form of a man standing behind my
reflection in the middle of the day my heart turned over. I knew my house was empty.

1 comment:

LDS Publisher said...

"when I saw the dark form of a man standing behind my reflection in the middle of the day my heart turned over. I knew my house was empty." Great! This totally creeped me out.

You start talking about mirrors at night, but the "event" happens in the day.

Your lead in is too light and too long. Tighten it up a bit, add a little more creep factor into your examples. Your pop culture references aren't recent or popular enough for the effect you're trying for. If they haven't seen Poltergeist or read Eragon, the reader won't know what you're talking about. Also, Eragon isn't exactly creepy so it's a light-weight reference. Keep Nostradamus, add one more that's really creepy. Use some specific, detailed imagery. Take some time to develop this into two paragraphs.